


The Measure of a Man

by Donovanspen



Series: Take My Hand [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Accountant Castiel, Alternate Universe, Anxiety, Arguing, Domestic Castiel/Dean Winchester, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Insecure Castiel, Jealous Dean, M/M, Misunderstandings, Past Lisa Braeden/Dean Winchester, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Private security Dean Winchester, Protective Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-10
Updated: 2016-07-10
Packaged: 2018-07-22 16:38:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7446235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donovanspen/pseuds/Donovanspen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Frustrations build as Dean and Cas both react to recent events.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Measure of a Man

**Author's Note:**

> This part will make more sense if you read Borrow Mine first. 
> 
> Unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine. Please feel free to let me know of any typos, and I'll gratefully correct them.
> 
> (I don’t own anything related to Supernatural. Just having fun writing stories.)

Time was flying by, and Dean felt as if he barely had a minute to catch his breath. With everything that had happened with Cas, he felt that there just wasn’t enough time in the day. He’d spent Saturday with Ben at his school’s father-son event, and any time spent with Ben fell into the category of time well spent. He and Cas had spent Sunday together, and even though Cas seemed to be doing better, Dean wasn’t convinced. You didn’t just bounce back from stuff like that. 

It was late again when he got home, after 8pm. He’d tried to get Cas to come by the office and have lunch or an early dinner with him, but Cas had declined, saying he was working on some things. Dean suspected it had more to do with not wanting to run into anyone from his family, but he could understand Cas needing some space so he didn’t push. They would have to eventually clear the air between Sam and his father, the sooner the better. He didn’t want the hurt feelings to fester, but he also wanted to give Cas some space. 

“I’m home,” he called out as he walked through the door. “I don’t smell any food, and that’s going to be a problem since you refused to come out and have dinner with me. My stomach has been growling for hours.” He rounded the corner and saw Cas sitting at the dining room table, a bunch of papers spread out in front of him.

“What’s all this?” he asked, placing his hand on Cas’ back and leaning. Cas turned his head and met him in a brief kiss. Mindful of Cas’ earlier comment about intimacy, Dean held onto him, deepening the kiss. They were still taking things slow, but Dean wanted to make sure Cas knew how he felt and hopefully alleviate any lingering doubts Cas may have. 

“Hello, Dean.” Cas gave him a warm smile when Dean pulled back. “I’m sorry about dinner. I lost track of time.”

“I can see.” Dean looked back at the table, noticing the spreadsheets filled with numbers. “Did Anna give you your job back?”

“No, and I’m certain she won’t be calling. That’s why I spent today going over our finances and working on my resume.”

Dean frowned. “What happened to taking it easy for a while?”

“I don’t recall discussing that.”

“Well, no, but it makes sense with everything going on.”

“How does that make sense?” Cas asked, his brow furrowed in confusion. “We need to replace the income I lost.”

Dean glanced over at one of the spreadsheets. “I don’t know all the details like you, but I’m pretty sure we have enough.”

“Not if we want to buy a farm.”

“So maybe we don’t buy one,” Dean said with a shrug. 

Cas turned his gaze down towards the table. He picked up his pen and began fiddling with it. 

“Ok, no. Don’t do that. Don’t just start thinking the worst. All I’m saying is that we’re wide open. We can do whatever the hell we want. So we don’t get a farm right now. Maybe we do some traveling for a while and buy bigger in a few years. Or maybe we look for one to two acres instead of five. I’m not hung up on the details, Cas. As long as it’s you and me, I can be pretty damn flexible.”

Cas didn’t seem convinced, but he appeared to be listening. 

“Dinner. You need to feed me and soon.”

“I think we have some soup,” Cas suggested. 

“You’re kidding, right?”

“We can make toasted cheese sandwiches to go with it.”

“Cas, I’m beyond exhausted, and I skipped lunch. I’m going to need a man-sized meal. I want chicken alfredo from Vito’s. With extra breadsticks.” 

“We probably shouldn’t be spending the money to order in, Dean. We don’t know when I’ll be able to find a job, and…”

“Cas,” he interrupted. “We can afford a couple of bucks for dinner. And if we can’t, we sure as hell shouldn’t be talking about buying another place. Will you please just call the order in while I grab a shower?”

 

He was an ass. He was tired and keyed up from work, and he shouldn’t have snapped at Cas. He just wanted a quiet evening at home, eat some dinner, maybe curl up on the sofa and watch TV. He didn’t want to worry about finances, not when he knew that they had more than enough to get by. He headed back downstairs and saw that the dining room table had been cleared off. 

Before he could say anything, Cas came out of the kitchen and started towards the stairs. “The food should be here in about ten minutes. I already paid. I’m going to turn in.”

“Hey, hold up. Did you eat something already?”

Cas shrugged. “I’m not really hungry.”

Dean swallowed down a sigh. So much for an easy evening. “I’m sorry I snapped at you. I was still keyed up from today, but that’s no excuse.”

“It’s ok, I understand. And I’m really just tired.”

“Maybe but you’re also running. I haven’t seen you all day, and I’d been looking forward to coming home and being with you. So, I’m asking nicely, please stay down here and have dinner with me.”

Cas opened his mouth but he was cut off by the sound of the doorbell. Dean went to retrieve the food. When he returned, Cas was setting the plates on the table. “Beer?”

“Yes, please.” He began unpacking the food, the smell making his stomach rumble. 

Cas placed a beer next to Dean’s plate and a glass of water next to his. Dean reached out and wrapped his arms around his waist and buried his face in the crook of his neck. “I love coming home to you.”

Cas leaned back until he could see his face and then leaned in, capturing Dean’s lips with his. It was enough. It was more than enough. Dean pushed their earlier conversation from his mind and settled down for dinner. 

 

 

It had been a long week. Securing new accounts was always a good thing, but John, Bobby, and Dean were the only ones who brought those accounts online. Usually, Dean had no problem juggling new clients and managing existing ones, but Sandover took up a good ninety percent of his time. He spent most of his days in meetings and then the early evening hours finishing up paperwork. Cas was being a good sport, but it bothered Dean that the only time he got to spend with him was sleeping next to him at night. 

He was grateful for small favors, though. Cas still wasn’t sleeping well. He liked to think his presence helped, since that was really all he could contribute. He’d tried to find time during the day, a stolen moment for a cup of coffee or a quickly lunch, but Cas was still hesitant about coming anywhere near his job. Dean wasn’t sure if it was due to his family or Cas’ anxiety from his recent experience. Whatever it was, Dean didn’t think it was a good idea to press the matter right now. Both of them just needed a moment to breathe and catch their breaths before adding another complication. 

But all of that was going on the back burner. He’d managed to get his trip rescheduled and didn’t have to leave until late tomorrow afternoon. John had been livid, believing that Dean had blown off a client until he’d explained that he’d managed to get the ball rolling through a video conference call, and he wouldn’t actually be needed just yet. And he’d held his ground insisting that since he’d originally planned to be out of the office anyway, he was taking the morning off instead of coming into the office and then heading to the airport. 

He’d wanted to surprise Cas with an impromptu date night, but his fiancé met him at the door with a packed suitcase and dinner on the table. 

“You’re going to be late, and I wanted you to have a home cooked meal before you left. I packed your usual stuff, but you have time to give it a quick double check.”

“Wow. Trying to get rid of me?” Dean asked a little surprised and a tiny bit hurt that Cas seemed to be pushing him out the door.

“No.” Cas gave him a small eye roll as he placed their water glasses on the table next to their plates. “I just thought it would be nice if we could have dinner together before you have to leave.”

“That sounds awesome.” Dean leaned over and gave him a quick peck on the lips before taking his seat. Cas didn’t cook very often, but when he did, Dean feasted like a king. Their busy schedules usually kept them eating take-out and hastily thrown together casseroles. Tonight, Cas had prepared meat loaf, mashed potatoes, and buttered asparagus. He didn’t even like asparagus, but Cas had some secret, though, that made any vegetable delicious, no matter how it was prepared. He was not disappointed. 

“Babe,” he moaned around the first mouthful. “You should totally marry me.”

“I’ll consider it.” 

“Anything you want, just name it. As long as you promise to keep making meals like this, I’ll be more than happy.”

Cas didn’t really smile like Dean had expected, but he just chalked it up to Cas being a little down about the upcoming business trip. Dean hid his grin behind a spoonful of mashed potatoes. “So any plans for the weekend?”

“Balthazar wanted to head into New York to check out some galleries and shows.”

Dean was glad he’d managed to change his plans around. He was all for Cas having a social life, but he really couldn’t stand Balthazar. He flirted incessantly with Cas, always taking the suggestive comments a little too far. Dean didn’t consider himself to be either jealous or irrational, but that man always rubbed him the wrong way. Cas usually dismissed it as Balthazar’s unique nature, promising Dean that his friend was harmless.

“You know where else you can see a show? Chicago.” Dean smiled as he waited for Cas to make the connection. 

“Are you planning to see one while you’re away?”

“Not me, but you can.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I did a couple of video calls and reworked a few things so I, we, can fly out tomorrow evening.” Dean gave him a cheeky grin and enjoyed watching the little frowny face Cas makes when he’s confused. 

“You want me to go to Chicago with you?”

“Sure. It’ll be a nice little vacation.”

“For how long?”

“As long as I’m there.”

“But what would I do all day?”

“Whatever you want, Cas. Jeez, man, just have fun. A lot of the guys take their wives, and they just do their own thing during the day.”

Cas’ tone was noticeably cooler when he replied. “I’ve already made plans to be gone this weekend.”

Dean couldn’t believe he was hearing this. He’d been busting his ass for weeks trying to figure out how they could spend more time together. “Cancel them.”

“Balthazar already purchased the tickets.”

“And I already bought the plane tickets and booked the hotel.”

“Balthazar asked me.”

“I shouldn’t have to ask.”

“Why not, Dean? Do I not warrant a say in where I go or how I spend my time?”

“It was a surprise. Is it really that hard of a choice, Cas? The man you live with, the one who asked you to marry him does something nice so we can spend time together, and I’m the bad guy here?”

“But we’re not spending time together, Dean. I’m basically hanging around the city until you get a spare minute.”

“It’s not like you have anything better to do.” Their meals forgotten, Dean couldn’t believe they were arguing over this. 

Cas’ eyes widened before narrowing into an icy glare. “Maybe I don’t, but at least I get to choose.”

“Fine!” Dean snapped, pushing back from the table. “Excuse the hell out of me for presuming to spend time with you.” He walked towards the door, grabbed his keys and jacket and headed out. 

 

The best laid plans, Dean thought as he stared at his dark townhouse. It was almost midnight, and most of the homes in his row had settled down for the night. Cas’ truck was still parked out front so he guessed Cas had just gone to bed. He hated fighting with Cas, but that seemed to be all they did lately. He knew his fiancé was going through some rough times, but he felt they should be pulling together instead of always arguing. He’d always prided himself on being caring and supportive and knew that both had contributed to the recent friction. Yet it was on him to be the calm one, the voice of reason and support as Cas figured himself out. And he had failed spectacularly on that front according to Sarah, Sam’s girlfriend. She had been quietly minding her own business while he vented to Sam about their latest argument, until she stopped him mid rant to start one of her own. As the other non-Winchester, Sarah was quick to point out that she and Cas were the odd men out and that it was easy to get swept up in the Winchester family dynamics. He really made a mess of it when he pointed out that Lisa never had any issues with his family. Sarah had glared at him before storming out of the kitchen without another word to either of them. He left Sam’s house feeling even worse. Driving around hadn’t helped, and now he was back home and still agitated. 

He made his way through the house and up to the bedroom. He heard Cas shuffling around under the covers and knew he wasn’t asleep. He switched on the bedside lamp and sat down on his side of the bed. “Hey. I know you’re awake. We should talk.” He was beginning to think Cas was going to ignore him when he finally rolled over and sat up. The sight of Cas’ red, puffy eyes drained the fight right out of him. “I’m so sorry. This is not how I wanted tonight to go.” He tried to reach for him, but Cas gave him a cold look and leaned away. “Guess we’re still fighting,” Dean sighed. 

Cas gave a slow shake of his head. “Just go to sleep, Dean. We’ll talk when you get back.”

He’d been hoping that maybe Cas would calm down and reconsider his offer, but it didn’t seem as if he was inclined to do so. It hurt that he was willing to send Dean off without even trying to resolve their issues, and he hold him so. 

“I don’t know what you want from me.”

Dean gaped at him. “Seriously, Cas? I want to spend time with you. I want you to come to Chicago with me. I want you to spend the weekend with me and not Balthazar.”

“Balthazar is my friend, Dean.”

“And I’m your fiancé.”

“It’s not a competition,” Cas pointed out. “He’s my friend, and we made plans to do something together while you were going to be otherwise occupied.”

“And it doesn’t matter that I don’t like you spending so much time with him?”

“He’s my friend, and I don’t complain when you spend time with Lisa.”

“No, that’s different.”

“Yeah,” Cas agreed. “I never slept with Balthazar and am not currently in a co-parenting relationship with him with a child that is not biologically mine. Furthermore, Balthazar doesn’t spend large amounts of time with my extended family.”

“What the hell, Cas? You said you understood how important Ben is to me.”

“I do.”

“Well, that includes Lisa.”

“I understand that as well. I just think it’s hypocritical of you to be able to maintain such a relationship while setting limitations on my friendships.”

“It’s not the same,” Dean insisted again. “Balthazar is just biding his time, man. He wants you.”

“And you think Lisa doesn’t want you back?” Cas laughed. “Hell, your entire family is waiting for your wake up and go back to her.”

The words were harsh, but he could hear the strong undercurrent of hurt. “Well,” Dean began, reaching out and taking hold of Cas’ hand. “They’ll be waiting a long time. I chose you.”

“Yeah, and what a choice. I can’t give you a family. You don’t trust me, and you’re stuck supporting me.”

“Whoa, hold up! I trust you.”

Cas glared at him. 

“I don’t like Balthazar, but I never thought you’d cheat on me. It just burns that you’d rather be with him than me.”

“I’m not choosing him over you.”

“Sure as hell seems like it. And I’m not supporting you. Our lifestyle supports us.”

“For how long?”

“Cas, if it ever came to it, I make more than enough for both of us. You know this.”

“I want to be an equal in this relationship. I need to be able to….”

“To what, Cas?” Dean prompted. 

Cas huffed in frustration, but Dean was beginning to understand. “You know, when I got out of the Marines, I didn’t want to work for my dad. It felt like charity after I had already been out in the world and proven myself. It took a minute for me to realize that it wasn’t so much about what they were doing for me, but what I could bring to the table. You’re just going through some stuff now, and it’s easy to forget what we have going for us.”

“You think I’m overreacting.”

“No, your feelings are just as real as mine. We may not see things the same way, but we feel how feel. We just have to find a way to make it work.”

“When you left earlier, it didn’t seem like you wanted to work through stuff.”

“And when you wanted to go to New York with Balthazar, it seemed like you didn’t want to be with me.”

“I wasn’t choosing him, Dean,” Cas said again. “I want to be more than an extension of you.”

“I don’t see it that way, Cas, but I’ll try to respect how you feel. I hope… have a good time in New York. Send me pictures and crap.” He wished he sounded more sincere but that was all he could muster. 

Cas stared at him. “And you’re really ok with me going?”

“Not really, but I’m trying here,” Dean admitted, thinking about Cas’ earlier comment about Lisa. He still didn’t think it was the same thing, but he’d promised to try to be more considerate of Cas’ feelings. 

“When you said that I didn’t have anything better to do, did you mean it?”

“Well, yeah. You’re not working so now’s the best time. You know how hard it is to get time off when you start a new job.”

“And that’s all it was?” Cas pressed. 

Dean thought for a moment, not wanting to rock the boat now that it seemed like they might be on the path to making up. “This is a really big client for us. I hate that I have to work so much right now, but it needs to be done. If I can’t be home with you, then I thought the next best thing would be to have you with me.”

“You know you don’t have to coddle me.”

“It’s not coddling. When I’m having a bad day, you take care of me in a way that nobody else can. I want to do the same for you whether it’s rubbing your back or holding you so you can sleep.”

“And I don’t want to be a burden to you. I figured if I couldn’t actively contribute, the least I could do was not get in your way and cause you problems. Guess I failed at that as well.”

Dean was a little surprised at how quickly the tone of their conversation changed. He thought that they were on track for smoothing things over, but the more they talked, the more it seemed like the problem wasn’t Chicago and Balthazar. “You didn’t fail at anything. We’re living our lives, and things come up. Do you think I think less of you because you’re not working? Like you have a certain role you have to play in order to be with me?”

Cas gave a little shrug and kept his eyes downcast. “It’s supposed to be a partnership.”

They’d had this conversation before, but apparently it was going to take some time for it to really sink in for Cas. Dean scooted over and positioned himself so that he was sitting behind Cas with his legs on either side of him. He began massaging his lower back, zeroing in on the knotted up muscles. “We are partners. We both contribute. It’s not just about money. It’s never been about money. I would hope that if there came a day when I wasn’t working, you would still want to be with me.”

“Of course.”

“Then why is it so hard for you to have that faith in me?” Dean asked. 

Cas groaned and leaned back into Dean’s embrace. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

Dean pressed a kiss to the side of his neck. “You’re stressed and you have chronic back pain.”

“Is Chicago still on the table?”

“Do you want it to be?”

“I do,” he whispered. “I always wanted to go. I just….”

“I get it,” Dean assured him. And he did. He didn’t understand everything, but he could see how their night went sideways. “I would love for you to come to Chicago with me and any other trip we can manage.”

“I think I’d like that.”

“So would I, baby. So would I.”


End file.
